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The items inside – Self-esteem
‘It is a sentiment that needs to be watered every day like a flower’. Talk to the good credit score psychiatrist Willy Pasini, who wrote an essay on one of the most important mechanisms of our existence. Ready to change with the evolution of society

Willy Pasini says: ‘Self-esteem is an opinion that gives it its value. The key points, according to Christophe AndrÈ and FranÁois LeLord, are three: love of self, which depends upon the love we have received from our family and childhood ‘emotional nourishment’ that have been bestowed, the vision of self , which allows us to achieve the goals we aspire, in spite of adversity, self-confidence, which needs external actions and events of daily life to maintain or grow ‘.
Self-esteem, he adds, is not a stable feeling, ‘It’s a feeling that must be continually reinforced furniture: a flower that needs watering every day’.

What is the fundamental difference between women and men?

‘Man, historically, was defined in terms of its power. The woman, from the Middle Ages and even earlier, had a weaker self-esteem because she lived in a social situation dominated by men’s rules, so was accustomed to ‘mold’ approval before their parents, after the partner. This condition lasted for centuries, so much so that the women were shy, had his neck bent to the side as Madonna, kept his eyes lowered, and so on. Today they have passed the state of subjection. On the contrary: sometimes, we think the United States, have even reversed, assuming the worst human attitudes. Over the past five years shyness is male. I receive many letters, my address books of Grace and Today, in which young people write that I dare not go with her peers because they are afraid of being mocked: ‘The girls and I have had many experiences compare with others if If I do not have an erection right ‘. The weak self-esteem, which was a feature of women, is moving towards the man ‘.

In the society of how important the body, to gain awareness of their value?

‘The body was also important in the past, particularly in adolescence, when self-esteem men was determined by muscle and that of women from traditional aspects of femininity. Now it becomes much more because the self-esteem is determined by the gaze of others, which we must conform ‘.

The beauty is important?

‘Of course. The beauty. The slenderness. The quickness. Some people calculate their self-esteem by centimeters in height, penile …’.

Doing a job like that help?

‘Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Council liked to do a job, if possible, even gaining a little bit less, because in the long life will be happier ‘.

And the money?

‘For some it is a low coverage of self-esteem. They measure their worth, and they do measure the surroundings, in relation to the bank account, which, unfortunately, today, brings many flatterers. Have fallen into the great ideals, political, religious, etc., and the money tends to replace them. Industrialists dominate because money dominates the political ideas’.

Sex plays a central or marginal?

‘Had a decisive man of antiquity: the erection, the number of women, etc. … Today we talk about sex more than money and is back to being a place of self-esteem. In the past only men were to make comparisons on women. Now, we have seen, they are also women on men, so it is a relevant factor. And women have challenged the macho, but not the real man ‘.

Disruption in torque shortage of self-esteem has little or weighs impact factor?

‘I would say crucial. Meanwhile, in the choice of partners. Women who opt for the villain are not only attracted by the wicked do not have enough self esteem to choose the best men and their behavior leads in masochism ‘.

What are the most devastating consequences of poor self-esteem or its loss?

‘Depression. And Appendages: people have evil, relational terms, thus causing the chess of life. A low self-esteem is also a prophecy. Job seekers, having a poor self-esteem, offers its qualities in gray.
The name is prophetic because it determines the events. A football coach and politician who have low self-esteem can not exercise their craft for a long time ‘.

There is also exaggerated self-esteem, what she calls the ‘inflated’. The resulting problems are less disastrous?

‘Yes, because the inflated are constantly in the trenches. But do not give the impression of being authentic, because they are always in defense of that group who know they have springs inside. I’m not curious of others, speak only of things that you feel in control … In relational key, are not funny. At work, after a few months, we understand that change often are inflated, and then place. However they are better than those who have low self-esteem ‘.

What treatments are practiced to gain or regain self-esteem?

‘The slopes are two: that psychotherapy, which is far behind, and is the main, and the new behavior therapies, one of which is very useful in Italy: positive thinking, that France has developed with De Gaulle. Ours is a country of low self-esteem is not by chance, to play football fast ‘.

But if you can think positive self-esteem is low? How can you give courage if we do not have the courage?

‘Beginning with a therapist. One patient was angry with me because I arrived late for a meeting: he thought that I’d forgotten why he was not important enough. I explained to him that he had delayed the plane. He had fancied the worst. I have shown that even in other situations behaved the same way ‘.

The subtitle of his book is ‘taking care of yourself for wanting to benefit others’. Who loves not a self-centered and selfish?

‘Yes and no. This is the vision of the Church. There is a difference between self-esteem and narcissism. Narcissism leads to a kind of arrogance. The daffodils do not like each other inside and therefore can not wanting ‘. Willy Pasini concludes his essay with a poetic note that borrows from a song by Jacob Dellacqua entitled ‘Transformations’: Before you were born already exists because we are all part of the same rock. Then time passes, the rock crumbles, we pass from rock to rock, and stone by stone. Later, the stone crumbles, turns to sand, so the journey begins. The wind takes us, in heaven, makes us turn endlessly, little by little, the sand becomes dust. And when you dust, no one can see, no one can grasp, you are free, you can love the way you want. And even if it is of stone, said Dellacqua, was light as the light. ‘Lightness, freedom and happiness’ is the wish that the psychiatrist and psychologist Milan wants to do ‘to all those who are setting out in search of self’